Read all the way to the end…………… This took a lot of work to put together!!!

You think English is easy???

Read to the end . . a new twist

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce .

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present ..

A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let’s face it – English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not
one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and
get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel
at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house
can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. – Why doesn’t ‘Buick’ rhyme with ‘quick’ ?

THIS WAS WRITTEN BY A SOLDIER IN IRAQ .

Okay, I need to rant.

I was just watching the news, and I caught part of a report on Michael
Jackson .  As we all know, Jackson died the other day.  He was an
entertainer who performed for decades.  He made millions, he spent
millions, and he did a lot of things that make him a villain to many
people.  I understand that his death would affect a lot of people, and
I respect those people who mourn his death, but that isn’t the point
of my rant.

Why is it that when ONE man dies, the whole of America loses their
minds with grief.  When a man dies whose only contribution to the
country was to ENTERTAIN people, the American people find the need to
flock to a memorial in Hollywood , and even Congress sees the need to
hold a “moment of silence” for his passing?

Am I missing something here?  ONE man dies, and all of a sudden he’s a
freaking martyr because he entertained us for a few decades?  What
about all those SOLDIERS who have died to give us freedom?  All those
Soldiers who, knowing that they would be asked to fight in a war,
still raised their hands and swore to defend the Constitution and the
United States of America .  Where is their moment of silence?  Where
are the people flocking to their graves or memorials and mourning over
them because they made the ultimate sacrifice?  Why is it when a
Soldier dies, there are more people saying “good riddance,” and “thank
God for IEDs?”  When did this country become so calloused to the
sacrifice of GOOD MEN and WOMEN, that they can arbitrarily blow off
their deaths, and instead, throw themselves into mourning for a “Pop
Icon?”

I think that if they are going to hold a moment of silence IN CONGRESS
for Michael Jackson, they need to hold a moment of silence for every
service member killed in Iraq and Afghanistan .  They need to PUBLICLY
recognize every life that has been lost so that the American people
can live their callous little lives in the luxury and freedom that WE,
those that are living and those that have gone on, have provided for
them.  But, wait, that would take too much time, because there have
been so many willing to make that sacrifice.  After all, we will never
make millions of dollars.  We will never star in movies, or write hit
songs that the world will listen too.  We only shed our blood, sweat
and tears so that people can enjoy what they have.

Sorry if I have offended, but I needed to say it.  Feel free to pass
this along if you want.

Remember these five words the next time you think of someone who is
serving in the military;
“So that other s may live…”

TOO Funny

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER .
8-years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FREE PUPPIES..
Mother, AKC German Shepherd.
Father, Super Dog…able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG.
Looks like a rat. Been out a while.
Better be a big reward.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

COWS, CALVES : NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

NORDIC TRACK
$300 Hardly used, call Chubby.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GEORGIA PEACHES
California grown – 89 cents/lb.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer $300.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And the best one?:

FOR SALE BY OWNER:
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent
condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed.. Got married last month,
Wife knows everything.

Ched and Algie enjoying a tasty Korean cuisine.

Maria Mercedez was born and raised in Makati.  She worked as a nurse at Makati Med, shortly after worked at Riyadh Military Hospital.  The couple is engaged to be married.

A Strong personality, Helen Napalit was self-made business woman back in her younger days. She worked tirelessly to put all her children to school.

She believes in education and God. That is what makes her a very influencial figure to this day. She continues to work to spread her convictions. Many in her hometown look to her for her leadership.

She overcome many of her challenges and grew from them. She has many stories which I can’t count now and can hardly remember. I would like to write them down.

I ask all those who knows her well to provide your tidbits of her life and the family’s history. That’ll be in the comments section. So I ask you to comment what you can gather from your experience with her. I did not live in those times so it’s harder to relate. Thanks.

PONDERISMS

 I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

 There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

 Life is sexually transmitted.

 Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

 The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

 Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

 Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

 In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal..

 How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

 Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, ‘I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?’

13? If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

 Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

 If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

 If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

 Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

 Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

 Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Algie Ched Wedding Videos playlist:

Algie Ched Wedding Pictures slide playlist:

These guys basically had to sit in a room and watch some funny guy speak engrish but if they laugh they get their heine smacked.  Hilarious,  I forgot how I found it.  Any way, enjoy.

Ingenious?!

Another view of the garage in Munich, Germany

This is pretty amazing! Can you imagine how all this operates?

How do they lock each car in its cubicle for safety? WHO CARES?
NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND COULD GET IN THERE.

Talk about German efficiency! The two photos were taken at a new parking garage in Munich. The actual space that the facility occupies is approximately only 20% of a comparable facility with the traditional design that is used primarily in the U.S.

Not only is the German structure less expensive to build, but vehicles are also ‘retrieved’ in less time and without the potential of being damaged by an attendant.

Efren Reyes demolishes his competition.  7-0.  This was very enjoyable.  It’s like watching art.